My Family Tree is Infested

For a lot of my life I felt like no one else would understand what was going on inside me. I was alone in life, physically and mentally. I never talked about it with anyone at all until I was 16 and had my first real relationship. Even then I didn't go into much detail …

Warning: Don’t Try This at Home

One of my completely healthy and not at all problematic coping mechanisms is disconnecting myself from myself. Certain feelings, memories, thoughts… whatever the case may be. After obsessing over something, I will distract myself until I'm "clear headed" or "even keeled" which is just code for "detached". Ignoring it is how I get through it. …

A Fight or Flight Story but it’s Really Dumb

This past week or so has not been very good. It kind of started that way but then… I'm still processing. Here's a dumb little diddy from 1996-1998, my seventh and eighth grade years. Except orange. When I was in middle school we had those tall skinny lockers with the lever inside to pop open …

Mourning the Living

When I take a look at the line graph of my life I can clearly see all of the times when my data points dip down the most. One massive dip was when I was 14 or 15. There was multiple factors that caused it, as usual. I was giving gas money to my friend …

One Drunken Night

I must have been 20 years old. I was living with a friend maybe less than a year after my sorta suicide and then started drinking often and a lot as I began taking antidepressants for the first time. The glaring ridiculousness of that run-on sentence does not escape me. It was possibly one of …